Little Reminders

Today I worked at church most of the day, tearing down the set from our last series, getting ready to put a new one for the new series starting on Sunday. Our task today was to get on this scary lift thing on the stage, go all the way to the ceiling, and cut down the big styrofoam words we had hanging up. They were random words that had to do with suffering.....like lost jobs, famine, death, etc.

I had my mp3 player hooked up to some speakers and it was shuffling through the songs while we worked. My friend Ann Marie was up on the lift, cutting down one of the words, when suddenly one of my favorite songs came on. (It should have started playing as soon as you clicked on to this blog.....isn't it pretty?) It's called "I Need You" by The Swift. Up until today, it had been a long time since I heard it.

This is a very special song to me, because around the time it was popular, I was in the midst of a depression. Not your basic blues, but a depression that was real, and painful. I had never experienced anything like it before. This song always came on, and the words gave me some comfort, especially when I was alone in my car, driving to where ever. I made a CD and played it over and over again, I guess in hopes that it would somehow miraculously cure me of the darkness I felt.

Well, one day I hit the bottom. I was driving down the road, when suddenly I just started to sob. I felt like dying, like there was no hope. I knew I needed help and I was scared. I cried hard as I drove, and then finally began to cry out to God, out loud. I prayed that he would just take it all from me. I remember saying that over and over, take this from me.....take this from me.....and then telling Him that I had faith that HE could.

When I was finished, and the sobbing subsided, I heard that still, small voice you always hear about. Only it wasn't small. It was pretty loud :-) Long story short, that day God released me from that depression. Just like that. Gone. Upon returning home an hour later, I had that joy I had been missing....the joy I had known all my life that suddenly left for no reason. I nearly raced home to be with my family. I wanted nothing more than to walk through my door, hug and kiss the kids, and tell them that the mommy they once knew was back. I actually giggled while driving. I must have looked crazy. I didn't care. I had just witnessed a miracle, inside of me.

Ok, so back to today. The song came on as Ann Marie handed me the styrofoam word she had just cut down. I said "Oooooh, I just love this song." and took the word over to the pile of other words that had been cut down. As I layed the word down, it hit me that the word I was holding was "depression." It took my breath away, with that song playing...oh my goodness. I couldn't help but smile and just laugh to myself, while remembering again how miraculous He is.